


To Whom It WILL Concern

by PaleNoFace



Series: Smeet Army AU [8]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, F/F, Family Feels, Light Angst, M/M, Parent Zim (Invader Zim), Playgrounds, Surgery, Tall Zim (Invader Zim), They talk, Zim Has Issues (Invader Zim), Zim Needs Friends (Invader Zim), Zim's Terrible Memory, zim is worried, zita happens to be here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25092832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaleNoFace/pseuds/PaleNoFace
Summary: "So, how many of these little gremlins do you have around ? A whole army, I imagine."That, of everything, is what drags a barking laugh out of Zim."Urgh, I wish," he tells her, somehow his tone way more friendly, and she seems to notice. "But no. Only three."
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), Gretchen/Zita (Invader Zim), Zim & Zita (Invader Zim), Zim (Invader Zim) & Original Character(s)
Series: Smeet Army AU [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1658659
Comments: 12
Kudos: 62





	To Whom It WILL Concern

**Author's Note:**

> So I rediscovered my love for Zita ? She helped me through my writer's block, which is nice. It felt only right to put her in the series as well.

Zim is not particularly familiar with the concept of Hell and Heaven - it's a fundamentally human, incredibly binary system that no alien with self-respect would spend more than two seconds considering.

So no Hell, no Heaven ; and yet.

Zim is stuck in limbo. A grey zone, a perfect middle ground between two absolutes, a split second of balance before the world tilts one way or the other. This is what it feels like, to sit on a bench flaking its paint in a dirty park, watching his sons play while he waits for a very important phone call that refuses to come.

He sighs and rubs his eyes. His contacts have been bothering him all evening, and he doesn't really know if it's from his general state of irritation or literally anything else.

At least Artie and Gus seem to finally unwind a little, after three days cooped up in the base. Artie in particular is living his best life collecting samples from the sandbox.

"Zim ? Snap, it's really you ! I knew I recognized your ugly face !"

He looks up, nervosity tensing the line of his shoulders as his eyes land on the source of the voice. It's a human, obviously, not much older than Dib, all purple hair and prominent stomach. Zim is certain he saw her before, but can't put his finger on it.

"Eh ? Am I supposed to know who you are ?"

She rolls her eyes with a smirk, like he just told her a very stupid joke, and begins to lower herself with a groan on the other end of the bench.

"Dude, come on. We were on the same class for what, six years ? Admittedly we haven't seen each-other for a decade, but still. You wound me."

Zim blinks at her. She rubs a hand up and down her stomach, absently looking at the playground. Zim snaps his fingers in realization.

" _Zita_. Irk, when my day couldn't get worse. You grew up to be even uglier than you were."

"Right back at ya, freak," she replies playfully, taking his statement in stride. "So are you here to stare at random kids or is one of them your evil offspring ?"

In any other circumstances, he would have scoffed and immediately forgotten about this puny little human, but he's _stressed_ and _worried_ and _Dib is still not calling him-_

"Oh, no, wait, lemme guess," Zita cuts him before he gets to make a snippy comment. "My money is on the green kid dangling from the monkey bars."

"Do NOT put your filthy Earth monies on my kid," he grumbles half-heartedly, then again louder when she elbows him gently.

"Aw, come on, Zim. It's been so long ! You and Dib have kept such a low profile recently, we were all wondering if you finally killed each-other."

"The Dib is perfectly fine and safe and at home, which won't be your case if you don't stop _stabbing me with your stupid elbow_."

Zita sighs theatrically but stops jabbing at him. After a second of silence, his eyes go back to the playground, where Artie is now classifying pebbles by their size, and Gus is-

"GUS ! No lasers in the park, we talked about this !" he shrieks from the top of his lungs, and feels a deep satisfaction when his baby boy reluctantly switches from PAK-weapons to his little fists before jumping the closest kid.

As he settles back, he swears he can feel Zita's smirk radiating from her spot next to him.

"Whatever it is, say it," he growls at her, but only gets a genuine smile in return.

"If anyone told me that I would find Zim, pest extraordinaire and alien invader-"

"How _dare_ you imply-"

Zita scoffs and wiggles to get more comfortable.

"Oh, please, almost everyone and their mother knew, we just didn't give a flying fuck because you got Crazy-Head off our backs," she states. "Plus, that wig never fooled anyone, my good sir."

He huffs defeatedly, letting his head drop between his hands. He really needs to upgrade his disguise.

"What could you possibly want with me ?" he spits, way too aware of her presence next to him.

Zita seems genuinely surprised by the question.

"Don't play dumb. I just came here so my son could play, and I just so happened to stumble upon an old skool acquaintance. It's not like I've been out there hunting you down, it was just a coincidence."

"Coincidence my a--"

A little boy comes stumbling towards them, all purple hair and overbite, and Zim has a vague memory of Gretchen sporting the same dumbfounded expression that one time he tried to enroll a new best friend.

"MA !" the little gremlin screeches at a volume that could rival Zim's on a good day. "They're selling sausages ! Can I get one ?!"

Zita pulls five bucks from her pocket at throws them at the boy, who catches it on the fly and runs off cackling.

"Uh. He looks like Gretchen," he says, because it's true and someone has to say it.

"Hmm," she agrees, then gently pats he stomach. "When we first talked kids, we threw a coin to know who would go first. It's my turn this time. Hopefully Frank won't be too nasty with his new sibling."

"It usually gets better after a while," he says half-heartedly. "Wait until one of them asserts dominance, and it's smooth sailing from there."

"Yeah, I guess," Zita shrugs, unconvinced.

Artie chooses this moment to come toddling back, arms full of sealed test tubes he "borrowed" from the lab.

"I found so much stuff," he grins as he comes within earshot. "You wouldn't believe how much mold can be found in a sandbox."

Zim half-aborts the gagging noise trying to escape his throat and puts the vials away in his bag, then pulls the smeet on his lap.

"Hi," Artie greets, finally having noticed his dad's company. "Who are you ?"

"Hello," Zita waves back. "I'm Zita."

"Nice to meet you," he hums, and goes immediately to nap.

"He's a lot more polite than I would have expected," she says at Zim's intention. "Guess he took more after Dib than you."

"I never said the Dib was the other half of this parental unit !"

Zita cocks an eyebrow.

"Well, isn't he ?"

"He is, but that's beside the point."

"Congratulations," she says, and it almost doesn't sound sarcastic. "Guess you two finally managed to get over your stupid rivalry."

"You really don't want to know what we're up to, these days," Zim warns, and she laughs at that.

"Guess not. I don't really care, either. All that matters is that there hasn't been Earth-level threats on TV for a few years, and it's fine just the way it is."

They fall into silence, Zita's attention caught by a sick bird emptying its guts on a nearby grandma, and Zim mulling over the weirdness of this entire encounter.

"So," he says eventually, and Zita's eyes are back on him. "You and Gretchen ?"

"Me and Gretchen," she nods. "Crazy how college changes people, right ?"

"...Right. You mentioned... The others. Who's even left ?"

She seems to think about it for a minute. On his lap, Artie rolls over, mouth wide open as he snorts in his sleep, and Zim presses a kiss to his temple.

"Chunk and Torque went and opened their very own not-so-secret fight club," Zita starts, ticking her fingers. "Jessica moved to France and got married to a butcher. Poonchy took over his dad's car dealership and recruited Rob and Sara - although I think Rob quit after a week. I haven't heard about Keef in a while-"

"For good reason," Zim murmurs, but Zita carries like she hasn't heard him.

"Tae and The Letter M got engaged, but Tae broke it off and flew away with M's goat to Argentina. Brian works at Membrane Labs, Carl is finishing his PhD in environmental studies. Aki and Alex went on a trip to Japan together, and apparently Alex got a boyfriend out of it." She pauses, shooting him a side-glance. "And I suppose you know better than me what Dib has been doing recently."

Zim's head spins a little at all the names as he struggles to put faces behind stories he doesn't really care about. Zita shrugs at his apparent confusion and waves her phone, like it holds the secrets of the universe.

"To be fair, it's easier to follow when you're in the group chat."

"The what-what ?"

"Yeah, see, Gretchen wanted to get back in contact with Dirge a while ago, and one thing leading to another we added a whole bunch of skool people we knew on a group, and every now and then we get updates about how everyone's doing."

Frank runs by, still shrieking, this time spewing chewed sausage on the way. Zim is going to wash everything once they get home. He glances at Gus, now proclaiming he's the king of the monkey bars, then at Artie, who's still dead to the world in his arms.

Zita seems to follow his sights because she nods at the kid and says :

"So, how many of these little gremlins do you have around ? A whole army, I imagine."

That, of everything, is what drags a barking laugh out of Zim.

" _Urgh_ , I wish," he tells her, somehow his tone way more friendly, and she seems to notice. "But no. Only three."

He points at the dead weight on his lap.

"Artie's the middle one. The small screaming one is Gus. And there's..."

He stops, a sudden lump of dread stuck in his throat. When he speaks up again, his tone is quieter, and Zita has to lean over to hear him.

"Zim's oldest is at home right now. She's not... Been very well, recently."

Zita makes a compassionate noise and pats him a little awkwardly on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry to hear that," she says tentatively. "Sick kids are the worst. Feels like anything and everything will hurt them."

He hums in agreement, and tightens his grip on Artie. Zita's entire body suddenly tenses and she grimaces, rubbing circles on the side of her stomach.

"This little one is kicking hard," she says as way of explaination, and Zim thanks the universe for irken smeeteries. "Do you want to..?"

Before he can answer, Zita already has a strong grip on his wrist and presses his hand on her belly. He's about to fight back when he feels the flutter under his palm, and his eyes go wide. The movement intensifies for a second before fading completely, and he looks up at her, feeling puzzled.

"I don't know how you manage to live with something inside of you. Human reproduction is fucking gross."

Zita snickers and smacks him playfully on the arm.

"Tell me that again without looking starstruck and I might believe you."

"How do you even get it _out_ ?" he scowls, at which she laughs harder.

"Zim, come on. You're not that dumb. And anyway, how did you end up with three kids if you don't know that ?"

He scoffs and straightens, ready to drop a massive amount of information on this unsuspecting fool, but then realizes that even if she does know that he is an alien, she is not Dib - she might not have the interest they share on science.

"In-vitro gestation, obviously. Zim is not an _animal_. And how did _you_ and _your love-pig_ manage to make not one, but two wretched spawns ? I didn't even know you had compatible genetic material."

Zita seems to consider jabbing him with her elbow again, but thinks better of it when her eyes land on Artie. She settles for a roll of her eyes.

"We used a donor, you nerd. Same one for both, so with any luck they'll look alike."

"I can't see how that's a good thing."

"Shut up, your kids are green."

It's Zim's turn to scoff, but he can't find anything to reply.

"It's weird," she says after a moment. "I didn't expect to run into you today. I didn't expect you to have _kids_. We should do this more often. You know, like old friends."

Zim keeps his eyes carefully drawn on Gus, at the other end of the playground, to avoid looking at her in the eye.

"We're not friends," he says.

She shrugs. Stares at Gus as well, who's now throwing empty soda cans at whoever tries to climb the structure he perched himself on.

"I suppose not. But I think we have the potential to be."

Zim looks at her then, and tries to understand her utter motives. As far as he can tell, she doesn't have any.

"Why ?" he asks, and it sounds a little more broken than he wants it to be.

She shrugs, looking meek.

"You're not too much of a bastard when you're not trying to eliminate humanity."

He looks at her, and all he can see is a young adult lost in a life too big for her and eager to fill it. A young parent trying to relate to another.

"So, what do you say ?" she insists, and to Zim she is suddenly a person, not just a shadow hovering by the edge of his family circle.

"I say you're a smart one, Zita," he sighs. "Alright, _alright_ , FINE. In my immense benevolence, Zim will allow you to befriend him."

She grins, and wow, pregnant women really do glow. It's almost frightening.

"Atta boy !" she exclaims. "Give me your phone number, I'll add you to the group chat."

And Zim gives it to her. Because apparently, he's just _that_ attention starved.

"Well," Zita eventually says as she wobbles back on her feet, "It was nice meeting you, Zim-who's-totally-a-human. Give me a call sometime, and we can meet up somewhere to complain about our lives like the totally-friends we are."

"Don't count too much on it," Zim replies, but he knows, deep down, that he will probably send her a message before the end of the week.

She whistles, and Frank perks up from the pile of children amassed in defeat at the base of Gus' new kingdom. Then they're off, and Zim catches himself staring after them.

His phone goes off in his hand, startling him so much that he almost drops Artie.

"Dib ?" he calls, a new spark of fear blooming in his spooch. "Is Noods-"

" _She's alright_ ," Dib replies immediately, and Zim sighs in relief. " _The anesthesia wore off ten minutes ago. She looks a little groggy, but not in pain, so that's good, right ?_ "

"It is. Can you put her on the phone ?"

Dib fumbles at the other end of the line, and there's a soft inquiring coo tickling Zim's antenna.

"Hey, bug," he breathes. "How do you feel ?"

Noods makes a raptor noise, not loud enough to be her normal self, but it's good enough for Zim.

"We'll be home in fifteen minutes," he informs Dib when the phone goes back to him. "Don't let her eat anything."

" _I know,_ " Dib groans comically. " _I've been fighting GIR off for the past half-hour- he's adamant that nachos will make her feel better._ "

"Do _not_ let her eat GIR's nachos."

" _I know, love. See you in fifteen minutes._ "

Zim ends the call, stares at the screen for a second before taking a deep breath - useless, he knows, but there's only so long he can live on Earth without picking up mannerisms. When he stands, Artie stirs in his arms and looks up at him bleary-eyed.

"We're going ?" he mumbles through a yawn.

"We're going," Zim confirms. "Gus, it's time to go home !" he yells at the child-covered playground, and Gus emerges immediately.

"IS NOODLE OKAY ?" he shouts back, way louder than what's appropriate considering the distance.

"Yes she is. _Vamonos !_ "

Gus produces an ungodly shriek, for no other reason than being a chaotic child on a sugar high, and is by Zim's side in a second, battling for the custody of the bag.

  
The afternoon could have been a whole lot worse, all things considered.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos and comments ! (Btw I said there would be a second chapter but I can't manage to write one that makes sense or brings anything to the table, so it's gonna be a one-shot instead.)


End file.
